The Prehistory (Food Girls)/Transcript

Introduction with Pandimar and Somari

 * Narrator: It's time for another Food Girls special! But it's not an ordinary special, [we cut to outside Patchy's house] because today we go to El Centro, California, as it was… [lightning flashes and the houses are replaced by caves. It's smoggy, there are loads of plants and trees, and a volcano in the distance] …one hundred million years ago! So prepare yourself for… [cut to a screen reading "Food Girls B.C."] Food Girls B.C.! [stone text drops reading: 'Before Comedy'.] Before Comedy. [cut to a still frame of Pandimar and Somari] With your host, Pandimar! [audience cheers and applauds. Zoom inside the stone house. Inside are all the creature comforts of a normal home, but de-modernized. Pandimar, in leopard garb, comes in riding a paper-mache dinosaur]
 * Pandimar: Yee-ha! Hey kids! Now, you're probably wondering, "Hmm, what's Pandimar doing in a cave?" good question, you little… [grumbles to self. The dinosaur walks over to a wall where there a cave drawings of Honey Girl and a bee] Well, it's because today's the food girls takes place in prehistoric times [cut to the drawing of Ice Cream Girl with a stick and a microraptor] …back when man struggled for survival [pan over to show a dinosaur eating Burger Girl and Ice Cream Girl running away] and dinosaurs ruled the Earth. [the dinosaur walks back into the middle of the room] Isn't that right, Bronty? But I'm riding YOU now! [pan out to reveal Pandimar is wearing the dinosaur like an inner tube, and he struggles to get out of it, but falls over on his side. He screams for aide and two stagehands run over to him. Cut to a "Please Stand By" screen. Soon, Pandimar is up] Like I was saying, prehistoric times were the greatest. [cut to black-and-white footage of cavemen] It was a simpler time [cut to a picture of a caveman with a finger up his nose] with simpler pleasures! [cut to Pandimar, holding up two robes, identical to each other and the one Pandimar is wearing] Your clothes always match! [cut to Pandimar with a paintbrush] You can draw on the walls! And nobody yell at ya! [he picks up a giant club] It was much easier to hit a baseball! [he sits down on the couch] Oh yeah, prehistoric times were the best. [he gasps] Hey kids! Are those pterodactyl wings I hear 'a flappin'? I think I know who that is! Please welcome the Somari-dactyl! [Somari flies in, but has a head visor and jetpack on]
 * Somari: Sorry I'm late.
 * Pandimar: Somari! Why aren't you wearing your costume? [he picks up the pterodactyl costume] I stayed up all night making it!
 * Somari: You're wasting your time, old man. Prehistoric stuff is lame. Everybody knows the future's where it's at.
 * Pandimar: What?! [laughs nervously] That's not true! Don't mind him, folks. Why even Ice Cream Girl knows that prehistoric stuff is, what the kids say, [air quotes] cool.
 * Somari: No she doesn't.
 * Pandimar: Yes she does.
 * Somari: Nope.
 * Pandimar: She most certainly does.
 * Somari: No she doesn't.
 * Pandimar: Yes she does!
 * Somari: No.
 * Pandimar: [angry] I know for a fact that she does!
 * Somari: …not. [Pandimar fumes. Cut to a screen reading…]
 * Narrator: Meanwhile. [cut to Ice Cream Girl at the grill, all nervous. Cheese Girl busts in]
 * Cheese Girl: Ice Cream Girl! What's wrong?
 * Ice Cream Girl: I don't know, Cheesy, but I've got this strangest feeling that somewhere a panda and hedgehog are arguing about me. [close-up on Ice Cream Girl] And the hedgehog is winning. [cut to Pandimar and Somari]
 * Pandimar: Does.
 * Somari: Doesn't.
 * Pandimar: Does.
 * Somari: Doesn't.
 * Pandimar: Does.
 * Somari: Doesn't.
 * Pandimar: Does! Uh, look, while we're arguing, why don't you folks go ahead and watch some prehistoric food girls! Roll the cartoon! …does.
 * Somari: Doesn't. [Pandimar fumes]

Chapter 1 - Primitive Ice Cream

 * [Episode starts.]
 * Narrator: Ah, dawn breaks over the primordial sea. It's here that millions of years ago, life began taking its first clumsy steps out of the darkness, opening its newly- formed eyeballs to stare into the blinding light of intelligence, in order to- Umm... never mind. This happened a long time ago.
 * [We pan over to three houses similar to Ice Cream Girl, Burger Girl, and Alfredo Girl's houses, except Ice Cream Girl's house has snow instead, Alfredo Girl's his vines instead, and Burger Girl's has no weathervane. These are prehistoric homes to the three's cavemen ancestors. In caveman Ice Cream Girl's house, it is one large, empty room with cave drawings of her having fun on the walls and rocks and bones on a shelf above his blanket, which he sleeps under. Back outside, a giant purple dinosaur wakes up under a beam of sunlight to gurgle out a call similar to Ice Cream Girl's foghorn alarm clock. The sound waves cause the rock to rattle off a shelf and it falls on the prehistoric ice cream's head. Alarmed, Primitive Ice Cream shrieks, but calms down when he notices the rock. He laughs and shoves the rock back on the shelf. He then takes his hide blanket from on the floor and puts it on as a pair of caveman pants. He puts one arm through a sleeve and walks outside of his pineapple, dragging a vine behind him]
 * Primitive Ice Cream: I'm ready! Come on, Creamcat.
 * Prehistoric Creamcat: Meow.
 * Primitive Ice Cream: Creamcat! Come on!
 * [Primitive Ice Cream walks into the clearing with the vine, and we that it's a leash and he's walking a sabertooth creamcat]
 * Creamcat: Meow.
 * [Leaves behind a long trail of ice cream. Primitive Ice Cream and Creamcat walk past the house next door that holds prehistoric Alfredo Girl, who looks out the window to see a path of blue slime on his path]
 * Primitive Alfredo: Huh? Grrr...
 * [She is about to walk outside, but stops]
 * Primitive Alfredo: Wait a minute...
 * [He imagines himself babbling in anger at Creamcat, and Creamcat smashing him into a splattered alfredo with a paw]
 * Primitive Alfredo: Hmm...
 * [He runs over and picks up two clubs. He debates with himself over which one to use. He takes the bigger one and walks out chuckling. The club left behind cries. Primitive Alfredo approaches Primitive Ice Cream and Creamcat, who are out in the clearing]
 * Primitive Alfredo: Crema! Crema! Look! No left Creamcat Slime! [Dino Gary rolls his eyes and slithers away as Squogg displays a small pile of ice cream and points to his front walkway, covered in the ice cream] Left behind a messy trail! It belongs to you, not me.
 * Crema: It belongs to you, not me? Hmm...
 * [Primitive Alfredo fumes and stamps off, but slips on the snail slime, sliding as if on a "Slip 'n' Slide", screaming for Crema's help. But Crema is too busy pondering the meaning of Primitive Alfredo's demand. Primitive slams into caveman Burger Girl's rock, which opens, revealing Burger Girl's ancestor sticking to the underside of it as Burger Girl often does]
 * Burgar: Burgar!
 * [She walks over to Primitive Alfredo, who is covered in ice cream, but not sliding any longer]
 * Burgar: Hmm... Yuck! [She sniffs his ice cream coating] Blecch! [She tastes some of the slime cautiously] Blecch! [She then takes out a salt shaker and adds some salt to the slime and tastes it again. This time it appears to be somewhat palatable, and he is satisfied, giving two thumbs up] Excellent!
 * [Primitive Alfredo, gets angry and shakes the slime off himself]
 * Primitive Alfredo: Burgar! Grrr...
 * Burgar: Allug! [He laughs and hugs him] Burgar love Allug!
 * [She squeezes her so tightly, that the veins in his arms pop out, and Allug is slightly strangled]
 * Burgar: Allug.
 * Allug: [Gets strangled even harder] Eeek!
 * Burgar: Allug!
 * [Crema notices Burgar]
 * Crema: Burgar
 * [Burgar sees her and lets go of Allug, and Allug passes out onto the ground. The two run up to each other]
 * Burgar: Crema! [Crema smiles and hits herself on the head. Burgar smiles and punches herself in the face a couple times. Crema pulls out her nose and lets it go, slamming it back into his face. She screams, then stops suddenly and smiles. Burgar pulls her lower lip over her head, and it tears off. She screams, then smiles] Crema!
 * Crema: Burgar.
 * Allug: Pfffffttt!
 * [Burgar and Crema hug]
 * Allug: Crema and Burgar no got any brain. Heh, heh. Brain... [She is about to walk home again, when she slips on the slime trail again, and slides for a moment longer before sliding into her house and crashing into the back wall, where cave paintings of hunters with arrows point at her exposed rear] Ouch...